Love languages are an interesting subject in my opinion. In general, I think it's so cool how there are all these tests now that help you determine what kind of person you are that can then be easily communicated to others and that help you further discover who are you and who you want to be. The 5 Love Languages quiz is one of them.
If you haven’t taken one, stop everything and go take it here. It’s such a fascinating thing and what’s cool about it is that your love languages can and probably will change throughout your life.
So the reason we’re talking about this is that I’m in a pretty new relationship and we’ve been together for a little over 7 months now and we had a weird thing happen with our love languages. You guessed it, it's storytime.
When Nick and I first started dating we talked about love languages. He brought it up and we quickly found out that both of our charts were the same. Literally. Specific order: Physical touch, Words of affirmation, Quality time, Acts of Service and Gifts. It was pretty wild and cosmic. And naturally, I was like perfect we’re going to be on the same page then. Then we moved in together pretty quickly so we got comfortable with each other pretty quickly as well. And let me tell you, it’s hard to hide that you’re having a breakdown when your partner lives with you in a small apartment. So in times when I would cry or get upset, I noticed a weird thing. He wouldn’t comfort me. Like physically wouldn’t touch me. If anything he would even separate himself from me, which to me was absolutely bizarre.
Here’s this person that loves me and
Finally, I had to say something of course and we end up having this long discussion at a bus stop in downtown Houston and he comes to the realisation that physical comfort (i.e. hugs, holding hands, back rubbing) isn’t his thing. He never got it growing up and he doesn’t know how to give it. And I’m over here like ???? How in the fuck is your main love language physical touch then??? And he goes “maybe it’s not I thought it was but now that we’re fully talking about it with examples I think I’m realising that it’s not."
I had to laugh. I mean, of course, we would come to this conclusion. I told him point-blank I feel like I got played. So we went home and we sat down and he retook the quiz. Turns out his love languages are: Quality time, Acts of service, Words of affirmation, Physical touch and Gifts. Finally, it all made sense.
Then he made me take one again because it had been almost a year since I had taken one plus he pointed out that now that we're in a relationship, my love languages may have shifted as well. Fair point I thought so I retook it. And plot twist, mine did shift. Now they're Physical touch, Quality time, Acts of service, Words of affirmation and Gifts.
So what's the takeaway?
Love languages in a new relationship
☍ Take the quiz - since the quiz is pretty short, once you've established that you are in it for the long term with your partner, sit down and take the quiz together, you can also email each other the results so that you both know where each of you stands
☍ Think about giving and receiving - after taking the quiz, sit down and really think about what out of those you are most comfortable giving and rank those in order, that way you can not only identify which love you receive but also which love you give
☍ Talk - really talk to your partner about it. Have an open discussion about who needs to work on what/who needs what from the other person. One of the best things to ask during these conversations is "is there anything you need me to do or shift to make this relationship better for you?"
Because now that we’re aware of where the other one is, we meet each other halfway. Since physical touch is important to me, he takes initiative and makes the conscious decision to physically be there for me and I realise that sometimes I need to remind him and just ask if I need physical presence/comfort. And when he needs comfort I offer more Quality time and Acts of service rather than trying to physically comfort him.
What are your opinions on the Love Languages quiz? Share yours below if you want <3
Until next time,
Stay present in the now and be aware of how you love ~